A Friend In Deed...

"So if you wanna burn yourself remember that I LOVE YOU,
and if you wanna cut yourself remember that I LOVE YOU,
and if you wanna kill yourself remember that I LOVE YOU,
call me up before your dead, we can make some plans instead,
send me an IM, i'll be your friend" ~ Kimya Dawson, Loose Lips

This is a blog for my friends. All my life I have rambled on about friends coming before anything else - about how in just a call I'd be there in minutes. Anything, Anytime, Anywhere - my loyalty and and sense of responsibility, of reliability towards my friends has never faulted, and always been a top priority and something I prided myself on.

I sat here tonight, looking at two texts, 3 missed calls, and a couple of online messages - and I realised that I react completely differently now. I get these texts and calls and messages everyday, and I make a point of trying to remember to reply - but it's always a 'I can reply to that later'.

The worst pasrt of this is these are always people I want to speak to, that I would love to catch up with, that I want to see. So why don't I reply? Why have I turned into a shitty friend?

No idea.

But I have a couple of theories; I talk on the phone all day at work, so I can't think of anything worse than doing so when I'm at home. Hence why I don't even look at my phone when I'm at home. Currently I am absolutely shattered once I get home, so couldn't think of anything worse than going out. Last few months we have had a pretty busy schedule so have been going all out at the weekend, and then spending the week recovering!

Rubbish excuses, I know. I just really like time on my own - I'm an only child, it's natural! So between all my other burning the candle at both end activities, I'm treasuring the small time I get to myself.

Anyway, I'm rambling away...The point of this post is to say - I am not ignoring you, I DO want to speak to you, I WILL reply, and I totally want to see you soon, because I haven't seen most of you for ever.

So, to summarise - I'm a shit friend. I'm sorry. I'll sort my act out.

xx