Wednesday, January 24, 2007

A Friend In Need

So, some people may have noticed i've been quite distant recently.

Well along with the fact i'm just working really hard, and am just a bit stressed out at the minute, I also have decided this is the year where i take no crap from supposed 'friends'.

If you are on my myspace, some of you have been/will be deleted over the next couple of days. I probably wont answer some of your phone calls, or reply to your emails and messages.

Now I know you are thinking 'what a bitch'. But if you are one of the people im 'cutting out', then you deserve to be. You bought it upon your self. Sure its for selfish reasons that im doing this (explained below) but its about time I am selfish - after all, every body else is.

Over the last few years I seem to just be surrounded by people who call themselves friends, but do nothing to suggest so. Im sick to death of always being the one to have to make the effort to get in contact, always be the one to bother organising meeting up, always the one to listen to your moaning...and none of this is returned (or rarely at least).

I refuse to be the friend that is forgotten about any more. I refuse to be the one to always pick up the pieces when your life is a mess, but pushed to the side once you have a better offer.

And really, what I really, truly want, is the same respect, and love and appreciation and thought i give my friends to be returned. I didn't really think it was that much to ask. But for some of you - it does seem to be.

Some of you, maybe I have got it wrong. Some of you might think im talking about you but im not! But i think those who have been shitty friends know who they are. Im not asking for much, but if you dont think you can give that to me, then there is no point anymore.
*** I should add that not all of the above applies to everyone, Sometimes its just bits and pieces here and there. I'm just trying to make a fresh start, with people who regard friendship the same way i do.***
Been nice knowing you.

Melanie

Sunday, November 19, 2006

I Was 21 Years When I Wrote This Blog...

I have pretty much just got home after my birthday adventure in London.

I got some ace pictures, so i thought i'd do a photo blog - of sorts.

The day started pretty badly really...A lot of people pulled out in the morning, and there was a night mare on the trains and tubes all day - it didnt look set to be a good one. I almost cancelled, but Neil talked me in to going.
I was so determined to make this birthday a good one - as I usually freak out about my birthdays and cancel them last minute. But since it was my 21st i really wanted to make the effort to make it a lot of fun for everyone - even though it was quite a range of people that were invited.

Neil and I booked a hotel room for the night - so we didnt have the hassle of trying to ge the last train back. It was a lovely little hotel - dirt cheap, breakfast included, clean and quite sweet. I would definitely stay there again.

Anyway, because our traisnw ere messed up, we were late to the hotel - and neither of us were dressed properly for the day yet!
I ended up tunring up 25 minutes late to the bowling. Loads of peopel ended up missing the bowling completely though, which was a shame - But we all still had a laugh!


Neil trying to close the gap between him and everyone else.

Jodie throwing it down that lane.

Mads with her left-veering-elegant-leg-kicking-style!

Joe winning (again!)

After about an hour of attempting to find a way to get to highgate when the tubes were being so stupid - we eventually found a cab rank (theres one underneath Euston - FYI!) and flew (well, was driven) to the wonder of the boogaloo. My mum and my uncle, and 2 of his friends had been there for hours, as they decided to drive up, and we all piled in, and finally got that drink we had all been gasping for.



Fred's hat did its rounds - especially once Mel & Shell arrived!


And the night pretty much went on from there!




Saturday, September 9, 2006

Been A Long Time Waiting

Blimey, didnt quite keep to my promise of keeping this updated did I!?

So, what have i been up to recently?

Well, went to uni. Was really fun for the first few weeks- everything they say about freshers week is true. Was in a flat with 5 other people - we were a very bizarre bunch - and one girl was from brighton. We had in fact worked in the same place, at the same time, and she lived around the corner from my friend - but we had never met! Amazing that we can be so close to somebody yet never know them. Physically and emotional - I suspect.

The actual course was ok - as I said previously i was studying Music & Media Management. Perfect for me - you would think. Although some of it was interesting, i deep down knew i wasnt happy. But because i couldnt admit to myself that it was the fact I had made the wrong choice - not in going to university - but in going to one which i knew would not challenge me, - i did a lot of stupid things, and risked a lot, almost lost a lot. THAT would have been a big mistake, one of those 'never forgive yourself' situations.

Fortunately, i realised that university wasnt for me.

For me, that was a big thing. I've always planned out my life 5 years ahead. A major part of my plan was going to university, graduating, and getting an ace job. In the mean time making some real friends for life. It was a really hard decision - and like most people, i imagine, i felt i was particularly letting my mum down. She had been so proud, and going around shouting aboutt he fact that i had gone to university. I felt really bad for letting her down - as i wanted her to have something to prove to the rest of the family that she has bought up me really well..Its stupid i know. I just wanted to make her proud - a normal instinct i guess. really i knew that she would support me in what ever made me happy.

I feel so silly with the amount of stress and tantrums ive thrown at two particular boyfriends in my lead up to university - Gregg while I was doing my GCSEs, and Neil whilst applying for uni. Many apologies for putting you through that! It felt like my world would end if i didnt go to uni. Looking back, just a few years now, i feel i was so naive. I guess i was (am) only young - all about learning.

I met a lot of fantastic people at uni - again going back to an earlier post - people i would never in a million years though I would get on with. But it worked some how. I was really dissapointed when i first got there. I imagined id meet my 'kindred spirit', some one who felt the same about matters that i did, who i could talk about music and books and other things where we had a shared interest. Who was fun - with out the help of drugs - and could understand why i didnt do them. It didnt really happen like that. As i said,the people i met were so varied, but i didnt...have that kind of bond. I think i built it up too much - with all the stories of university id read/heard...too much hype i guess. But dont get me wrong, the people I did meet are really sweet, and i do hope i stay in contact.

So anyway, I stuck my CV up on monster.com, and started looking for jobs. Went for a couple of interviews - one at the radio times, a coupel fo media buyer jobs...nothing particularly exciting, and then i was called up and called in for an interview of a job i didnt even apply for! Which i where i still am now, 4 months later.

Its basically my dream job...I couldnt of even imagined getting something like this after i graduated! Good wage, great people, ever growing company in the areas i want to be - film, tv, music & events. Plus i get to go to glitzy after shows and awards/album launches etc. The best thing is - I dont mean to blow my own trumpet - but im bloody good at my job. Finally found something i genuinely am good at. Not just 'ok', im REALLY good at it, and always getting better. Its exciting - im making a career out for myself, and im only 20 years old.

So my lessons learnt are;
Planning doesnt work - just have a general focus. The best things happen by accident.
Be less judgemental and more tolerant of people.
Don't take things for granted. When you come closse to losing what you care about - you'll realise. Not risking it in the first place, is the best way to go.
Some impulses are best not followed.
Prioritise - work, feelings - everything.
Then organise.
Alcohol is NOT the best thing to spent thousands of pounds on!

Over and Out.

Sunday, September 4, 2005

soundtrack to my life

The movie of my life soundtrack....

FIRSTLY...WHO'D PLAY YOU: Christina Ricci
WHO'D PLAY YOUR SIG.OTHER : Vincent Gallo
OPENING CREDITS : Frank Black - Stupid Me
WAKING UP : Wake Up - The Boo Radleys
DETERMINED WALKING SCENE : Face To Face - God Is A Man
AVERAGE DAY : The Wannadies - Because
BEST-FRIEND SCENE : Jim Bob - Song For My Friends
FIGHT-WITH-FRIEND SCENE : Placebo - You Dont Care About Us
FIRST DATE : FALLING IN LOVE : The Lemonheads - Alison's Starting to Happen
LOVE SCENE : Muse - Unintended
JUMPING/DANCING ROUND BED SCENE : Graham Coxon - Freakin' Out
FIGHT SCENE : Nirvana - Stay Away/ Pay To Play
BREAKING UP : The Dashboard Confessional - The Best Deceptions
GETTING BACK TOGETHER: Foo Fighters - Up In Arms
SECRET LOVE : Kirsty Macoll - They Don't Know
LIFE'S OKAY : Jim Bob - Everything is Going To Be Alright
HEARTBREAK SCENE : Elliott Smith - Happiness
CRUSHED SCENE : The Boo Radleys - Everything Is Sorrow
MENTAL BREAKDOWN : The Pixies - Oh My Golly
DRIVING SCENE : Hole - Reasons To Be Beautiful
LEARNING A LESSON : Nick Drake - Been Smokin Too Long
DEEP THOUGHT : Tori Amos - Silent all these years
FLASHBACK : Feeder - High
PARTYING SCENE : The Killers - Somebody Told Me
HAPPY DANCE : Denim - Summer Smash
UNCONTROLLED DANCE SCENE : Stiff Little Fingers - Suspect Device
REGRETTING SCENE : New Order - Regret
CRIME SCENE : Kaiser Chiefs - I Predict a Riot
TORTURE SCENE : Manic Street Preachers - Archives of Pain
MURDER SCENE : Carter USM - Midnight On The Murder Mile
LONG NIGHT ALONE : Elliott Smith - I Didnt Understand
DEATH OF A LOVED ONE : Radiohead - No Surprises
FUNERAL SCENE : Bright Eyes - No Lies, Just Love
SUICIDE SCENE : Elliott Smith - Needle In The hay
CLOSING CREDITS : Frank Black - When Will I Find Happiness Again?

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Moving on up

Figured i should really post something here, as I havent in agggeeeeees.

Im going to university in 6 weeks and 2 days.
Im going to be at London Metropolitan studying Music and Media Management.

Its funny how life always come in full circle, isnt it? Was born in London, and lived there for a short amount of time. Ive always known i will end up back there, and sure enough i have. Its like I always knew I would move out of home at 19...which I am.

Moving out. It doesnt appear to be as big a deal as it perhaps should be. Im rarely at home as it is, and I feel a little out of place. I never really settled in in Brighton. i thought of allt he places in the UK brighton is where I would fit in best. And maybe i would of had i moved here at 14 or something...but ive just never got in to it. In think perhaps because i have always known i wont be living here long, i never let myself become fully integrated...A shame perhaps, but then again, i met the people I wanted to meet, and im quite happy with that.

Panicing about getting all the stuff i need for uni. Ive gone self catered, as i couldnt bear the thought of not having the choice over my own food. Im also skint. tried to get a job, but it proved more difficlt then at first thought...and times running out. so now im just going to get my HUGE overdraft, and live off that til i get a job in london. Over the moon as ive just found out my halls have 1 meg broadband. hehe.

I was thinking a lot about the music im in to now, and how i would never of listened to it a few years ago. I also used to think that I couldnt possibly be friends with anyone with a largely differing music taste...but then my best friend is a big reggae fan. Im 20 years old soon. And yet i feel ive grown more in the past 6 years then I ever could. How much mentally older can I get? i feel about 30 already. haha.

I love seeing the ways ive changed, and how my music taste i think really reflects that. Yet its quite difficult at times, as the more i reach out to try and fit in with my age group, the more i find why it just wont work. Although there are a few people of my age in to a lot of the same artists as myself, when ever i go to a gig of some one i love, im the youngest in the room...This concerns me in that I hope i find someone, of my own age, or at least less than 7 years older that appreciates what I do. Not that it matters hugely, ecause as ive mentioned, my best friend and i have hardly any shared musical interests. heh

anyway, ill keep ya updated whilst im at uni.

over and out.

Melanie

Thursday, February 17, 2005

It's a big big world out there.

Hello world. One small click of a mouse, one big step for me.

Ok, so this is my blog. After all this time resisting it, I have finally caved in.

I decided to start one as I felt it might encourage me to think about the bigger picture - which is something i used to do all of the time, but due to recent events I appear to of left this aspect of myself behind.
I just need a kick up the ass to start writing, and thinking, and feeling about things other than myself, and where my life is heading.
I'm hoping once the direction of my life becomes a little clearer, I will revert back to this way of thinking.

I guess I should say a little about myself. I dont know why, as im quite certain no one will ever be reading this, and I'm likely to lose interst after a few posts. I hope i dont. I'd like to be able to stick at something in my life.

So, Ok I called this blog Addicted to Sound, because, surprise surprise, I find music to be main passion in life. Im hoping to go to university in london on a music management course..the behind the scenes industry side of it interests me more (plus im hopeless on guitar/piano and singing!).

so, i think ill leave it at that for now.