Sometimes...

Sometimes, I just start crying. I don't even realise at first, and then suddenly I notice tears streaming down my face. I can't stop them. It goes on for hours. This is becoming frighteningly frequent.

Sometimes, I'm too afraid to get out of bed in the mornings, because I know the day will be full of dissappointment.

Sometimes, I don't leave the house. Becuase outside - anything could happen. I don't know if I trust myself to not walk in front of a bus - just to feel alive for a split second.

Sometimes, I wish I didn't block the people that care out, and scare the people that don't off.

Sometimes, I wonder if my happiness is worth hurting others to achieve, or if I should just swallow my feelings, my dreams, my wants and desires because I know I can make them happy.

Sometimes, I think my lack of creativity is the real root to all my pain. I have no way to express myself.

Sometimes, I wonder if my pain is real. Do I even have any? Seems nothing in comparison to some. Perhaps I'm just numb.

Sometimes, I drink because I don't want to think anymore.

Sometimes, I used to fuck virgins, just so I was unforgettable to someone, somewhere.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm lost when I'm not trying to save someone else. I only have me to think about, and that is a horrible feeling.

Sometimes, I lay awake until 6.30am in the morning. Then I wake up around 9am, and just stare at the ceiling. I tell everyone I don't wake up till after 11.30am, it's sort of like being alive and no one knowing.

Sometimes, I wonder if anyone knows how scared I am they will work me out?