Meaning is not in things, but inbetween them

I've spent the day watching films.

Currently, I am watching Velvet Goldmine. A film I watched, without fail, everyday between the ages of about 12-14. I think the last time I saw it I was about 16/17...a frighteningly long time ago.

So I'm watching it, and remembering what I loved about it, how it used to make me feel. It made me want to be a boy. The effortless elegance of the men in this film, the ease at which they were different. In the film men are portrayed as romantic and creative; true poets, tortured souls. I blame this film for my life long love affair with musicians, it epitomised what I wanted in a man; and what I wanted to be.

However, looking back at it now, there is an underlying theme to the film that makes me quite uncomfortable. The women in the film are portrayed as weak, not understanding, in the way, and ruthless, yet powerless to the whims of the men in their life.

That doesn't sit well with me. 

It doesn't sit well, that when I watched this I wanted to be a man. Or boy, as it were. That it made me ashamed of being a girl, made me jealous, (or is it envy...but that is a whole other post altogether) when infact the qualities that I love about the men in the film - elegance, grace, beauty, emotional vulnerability - can often be called classically feminine traits.  But when watching the film I didnt recognise saw that. I just saw boy=good, girl=bad.

That goes against everything I've ever believed, been bought up to appreciate, and the though I now, as a woman follow.

Is it better to be a man? Is one better than the other? I don't think so. I wouldn't change being a woman now for anything. We may live in a patriarchy society, but I'm a stong believer that women encompass a power that men will never be able to experience. When that is reflected more equally in society, perhaps there will be no need for feminism. I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

In summary, I'm glad I dont feel the same towards Velvet Goldmine as I did, but I am glad I can now appreciate the gender play in the film to a better degree.